and i think i might be tired of this place
by ketsole
Summary: In the morning they'll wake up with bloodshot eyes and bruises above their cheekbones and swollen lips, and he'll wrap an arm around her waist and she'll lace her fingers through his and they'll pretend for a moment that everything is just ok. (bade)


Their fights get messier and messier.

Jade picks at every little thing he does, Beck doesn't seem to care enough about anything that involves _them_-

They both know they can't keep it up for much longer.

*:･ﾟ

The Thursday before Christmas break they get into another fight.

She pulls him into the janitor's closet and yells at him about something she won't even care about later, he'll roll his eyes and grab her gently by the wrists because maybe it'll get her to _shut up-_

She pulls him by the hair and presses her lips against his, he doesn't pull away.

"You are _so_ needy." He breathes into her neck.

"Do you even _care_?" Her teeth snag on his lip.

Ten minutes later, he storms out with a bloody lip and lipstick smeared across his chin.

She closes the door behind her just as the bell rings and slumps against it for a second. There's a quickly forming hickey on the base of her neck and angry tears prickling in the corner of her eyes and nausea at the bottom of her throat.

Cat intercepts her in the hallway, leads her to the bathroom by the arm and whispers something along the lines of "-_we can get Nozu's with Tori and Robbie during lunch,_ fuck _him-" _

Jade doesn't really know how to listen.

*:･ﾟ

That same day she shows up outside his RV late at night. Rain comes down in sheets and when he opens the door she's soaking wet, hands trembling at her sides.

He points to the bottle of eggnog in her hand.

"This is not how we should be dealing with our problems." Beck sighs.

"'Tis the season." She mutters.

He lets in her in, of course, he does.

*:･ﾟ

"I hope you don't have homework," He says as he unscrews the lid.

She dumps all her wet clothes in his sink and buttons up the flannel she took from his drawer, material soft against her cold skin.

"I hope you like rum," Jade sits next to him and watches silently as he puts the glass to his lips and tilts the bottle back.

Brown eyes never leave grey ones.

*:･ﾟ

They play a little game.

She hums something Nine Inch Nails, he can't guess what, she pours him a shot.

He sings off-key Pink Floyd, she guesses, he pours her a shot anyway.

She belts out Fleetwood Mac, he comes back with messy Radiohead, she whispers Tame Impala, he makes something up about burning houses, she pulls him onto the bed and kisses him on the lips.

They usually kiss hard enough to bruise lips, but now they're just being lazy.

It feels like they move through molasses as they grab each other, Beck's hands tangled in her hair, Jade's fingers hooked on his belt loops.

_Lazy, lazy, lazy, _everything slow and static.

It feels like they make out for hours, _Whose line is it anyway?_ mumbling faintly in the background of the RV, rain pattering on the tin roof, lights dim and sun long gone.

Eggnog drips sluggishly onto the carpet.

*:･ﾟ

Beck puts on a slow Christmas song she doesn't recognize and they dance under the multi-colored lights he's hung up on the walls.

Neither of them has ever been very good at dancing and it's never mattered less.

Her forehead rests on his shoulder as they sway slowly, black hair stark against her pale skin, cheeks red from the alcohol. He's gorgeously dazed, but Jade feels so very _there_, and he thinks maybe he could never get tired of her.

"Jade." He gives her a twirl then pulls her back into his arms. "Babe,"

"Mm?"

"What were we fighting about?" He rests his chin on her head.

(in a week, they'll be screaming at each other in her car, he'll break her heart and she'll strangle his)

She laughs. "I don't know. I don't want to know."

Beck wants to drown in the softness of her voice, wants to take the moment and keep it in his pocket so he can pull it out and relive it whenever he wants. He wants this, he wants it all the time.

"I don't want to know either." He breathes.

To think they used to be so simple.

They dance until her legs can't carry her any longer and he has to carry her to his bed.

*:･ﾟ

"Beck."

They're both tangled on his bed, limbs caught up with each other, elbows pressing into ribs, everything malleable in the night.

"Beck." Jade hisses, voice serious.

"What?" Beck gets up on his elbow, smile languid and woozy.

"I think I'm in love with you." She says it as if she hasn't said it to him a thousand times before.

Her eyes are dead-set, not an inch of her is lying.

(in a month, they'll break up over a fucking game show, he'll go numb, she'll forget everything other than anger)

He giggles softly, eyes glassy.

Jade hates giggles, hates how gentle and quiet they are, the way they just slip past people's lips without a warning. She hates giggling and hates a million other things that most people don't even think twice about.

"I'm serious." She says.

"Yeah?"

His stupid motherfucking giggle. It might kill her.

"_I think I might love you more than you love me." _Is what she wants to say, "Yes." Is what she whispers into the dark.

It aches to think that Beck Oliver could love everything in the world and she'd never be able to hate him.

*:･ﾟ

Beck wakes up to a shadow curled on the edge of the bed.

It must be two, three in the morning and he blinks tiredly, trying to shake the sleep from his limbs.

She's sitting at the foot of the bed, head in her hands.

"Jade," Beck sits up quietly, pushing the covers to the side so he can move close to her.

She doesn't say anything as he sits behind her, doesn't say anything when he wraps his arms around her ribs and lays his chin on her shoulder, doesn't say anything back when he murmurs something into her ear.

"Jadey," He's so quiet he doesn't think he can hear her. "Baby, what's wrong?"

She hates it when people call her _Jadey_, he knows that. He thinks he does it because he loves her.

She shakes her head, tries for a small smile. Nothing sticks, so she turns her head away and sucks in a ragged breath. "Can't sleep," It's a well-worn excuse, and she's never been a great liar.

Also, it's hard to ignore it when she cries.

She does that thing where she presses a wrist to her mouth, tries to get herself to _shutup shutup fucking_ shutup, already-

"Hey, hey, hey, don't do that," Beck pulls her wrist away and tries his best to hold her together.

(he's a great liar, she's never needed anyone to keep her together)

He rocks back and forth, gently shushing her, whispering some kind of quiet comfort. He's never seen her cry like this, has only cried like this himself a few times. It's the fervent kind, where you let everything build up into a terrible storm and then lightning catches and charrs everything you know-

He's put fires out before though, he should know how.

"Tell me what's wrong? Please?"

"I'm tired," Jade sighs. "I'm really tired."

(he'd ask, but it's a question he already knows the answer to)

"I know." He holds her tight because he knows nothing else. "Me too."

They fall asleep, eternally knotted together.

*:･ﾟ

In the morning they'll wake up with bloodshot eyes and bruises above their cheekbones and swollen lips, and he'll wrap an arm around her waist and she'll lace her fingers through his and they'll pretend for a moment that everything is just ok.

* * *

**on ao3 ketsole**


End file.
